Originally posted 29 August 2015 - http://www.allieatkinson.com/blog/how-can-i-stop-living-so-small
I have vulnerability issues. I literally never, ever feel safe in the world. As you can imagine, this causes many problems for me in day to day life, but it seems to be making the creating of a business next to impossible.
I am sick of this self-sabotage and I want to play bigger, but when it comes down to fundamental belief systems, you can’t just do a couple of sessions with a Life Coach or spend a week or two on it!
I have spent the last 5 years working on this on a daily basis and I am only just getting to a place where I can see a glimmer of possibility. That’s pretty big! I am tired of people telling me that it’s easy to fix and seeing me as faulty. Guess what guys, that’s my issue and if you continue to see me that way, how am I ever meant to get better?
As many people know from their own childhoods, that there are many families that function with the philosophy that ‘children are neither seen, nor heard’. As an only child whose parents worked long hours, I learnt to live in my own world, to be independent. That is not natural for me, (I am an ENFP and need a lot of people time) but as a highly sensitive person, it was the only way to cope.
I am scared to live big, it is so ingrained in me to be in the background, to meet other people’s needs and to not have any of my own, that I struggled for many years to even have a personality of my own! These days I am living authentically ME and I am a whirlwind of ‘Allie’ but still, every time that I come out of my shell, I get extremely vulnerable and need to cave again, sometimes for weeks, or even months! before I can summon enough bravery to try again. READ MORE...
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